Where Does the Good Go?
by myantiquewinter
Summary: What if Meredith did call Amelia when Derek was still waiting to be pronounced brain dead? Would his life be saved, will he get his happy ever after? Sometimes you can't unbreak the broken. [ON HIATUS; I'M SO SORRY TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THIS]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or anything affiliated with the franchise, I am just a lonely writer still mourning the unjust death of Derek Shepherd.** I am not medically inclined, so please do not hold any errors of medicine against me. I do as much research as I can, but I will most definitely make mistakes because I have never experienced being a doctor.

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" _Stay here. Don't move. Wait for me. I'll be back before you know it."_

Meredith Grey has been put through a lot in her life on Earth. No one ever said life was fair, but for an outsider looking in to Meredith's life, that is the understatement of the century. Plagued with loss, neglect, and a sense of worthlessness almost her entire life one would think she would have given up by now, succumbed to the forces that keep throwing punches in her direction. But she is strong, stronger than any other and she refuses to let go of the carousel that keeps turning. But what if one day the carousel throws her off?

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Looking out her window on a dreary Thursday evening, her eyes are assaulted by lights flashing blue and red. It has only been 3 minutes since her allotted time to worry has begun, and she has already been given another reason. Two large men step out of a patrol car, looks of concern and regret lurking behind the faces of professionalism that is hard-wired into their brains. Everyone in Seattle knew of the wonderful, life saving Derek Shepherd. He had touched the lives of almost everyone in the city by performing life saving and miraculous surgeries of friends, family, coworkers, anyone.

The men knocked on the wooden door as Meredith continued to gaze out the window, praying to whatever God that controls her life that for once he will surprise her. She slowly makes her way to the door, hoping the longer she prolongs the meeting, the longer she has to hope for her husband's return. Unlocking the latch and twisting the handle Meredith felt the agonizing weight of anticipation settle on her shoulders, feeling it grow heavier with every inch of landscape that was uncovered as the door swung open to reveal the two men, one leaning on the door frame, the other standing stiffly with his hands folded in front of him.

"Is this the home of Derek Shepherd?"

"Yes… This is…" replied Meredith with fear lacing every syllable.

"There has been an accident, we need you to come with us immediately"

"But… My kids, I can't just leave my kids," Meredith

Meredith slowly walked away from the men standing at her door, unfocused and unsteady until she reached her precious daughter's room. "Zola honey," she said softly to the darkness, "can you get up for mommy, we need to go somewhere. I am going to turn on your light ZoZo. Be ready." With a flick of her wrist the small pink bedroom illuminated and her daughter rose from her bed, small fingers rubbing away the lingering dust of sleep. "Where are we going Mommy," the young child spoke with confusion. Meredith ignored the question posed from the young child and instead grabbed her hand and tugged her along to grab baby Bailey from the neighboring room. "Daddy needs my help sweetie, we have to go help him."

Meredith put Bailey in his stroller and met the officers at her front door once again. "I will follow behind you in my car, the child seats won't fit in your cruiser," the torn woman suggested as her lazy gaze could hardly focus on any one thing.

"Okay ma'am. We will escort you there. Your husband has done so much for us at SPD, this is the least we can do."

"Sounds fine… Come on ZoZo, time to go. Help me put Bailey in his seat. I will put the stroller in the back and I want you to buckle your brother. I will be right there to help you when I am done."

"Why is Daddy in trouble Mommy? I love my Daddy."

The Shepherd family arrived at the hospital just minutes later, not having to stop for traffic. Meredith entered the small hospital and immediately recognized the lack of technology that she was used to seeing at Grey-Sloan. The walls were a strange shade of grey with dreary blues and tacky privacy sheets. The emergency room was filled with victims of what seemed to be an accident, one young girl spilling abdominal organs out of a gaping wound. The young man looked to have a severe head injury, nurses racing to get him stable enough for a trip to CT. Gathered around the chaos of emergency were moms, dads, brothers, sisters of the living victims; all were hugging and crying for their loved ones, some members consoling strangers who they had never met before.

Meredith walked onward and met a friendly nurse who was holding a chart in her hands.

"Are you Mrs. Shepherd?"

"Yes… What about my kids?..."

"We have a social worker here who will watch them for as long as you need."

A woman with sleek black hair and a navy blue suit stepped out from around the corner, meeting Meredith's eyes with a glance of reassurance. The woman reached out for Zola's hand, requesting with her eyes for approval from Mom. "Zozo, this nice lady is going to watch you and your brother for a while until Mommy is done. I love you," Meredith finished with a kiss to both children's foreheads, "and I will back before you know it." With that she wandered off with the nurse toward the elevator.

"Your husband is on the 3rd floor, in room 304. It is just down the hall to the right when you exit the elevator." With that the nurse left Meredith alone and all of her fears came rushing into the front of her mind. She flashes back to memories of Derek getting shot and the havoc that ensued that day. Her thoughts drift to all the times her and Derek fought in the past months, all the times she told him to leave when her body wanted to beg him to stay. All the lost kisses, all the dropped calls, all the lonely nights in bed when she knew that she could have had it the whole time.

The elevator opens and brightness of the ICU momentarily blinds her, her brain not functioning fast enough to adjust. She turns to the right and sees a giant glass door and behind it a limp body hooked to more machines than imaginable. Bandages covered the pale body, a tube inflated his chest in a steady rhythm to keep a false pretense of life running through his veins. Meredith inched closer to the door, sliding carefully one foot in front of the other hoping that if she hit the right crack on the floor the entire building would shatter and she would wake up from this nightmare.

Meredith walked calmly to the edge of his bed, grabbing the nearly empty chart in front of her. Reading through the contents, examining the basis of each turn taken in his care. Her eyes drooped, her life draining from her soul. There were two options in front of her, and Meredith Grey was not a quitter. She picked up the phone and dialed a number she recently came to know.

"Hello? Amelia, I need you. Now."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. Or anything affiliated.**

Dressed in all blue surgical scrubs, Amelia sprints from the operating room the second her patient is closed and she is scrubbed out, not even bothering to take off her cap or change her clothes. Her focus is completely on the emergent call from Meredith regarding Derek's condition, and the rest of her world goes numb.

"Amelia, where are you going," Owen called down the lobby, "you have a surgery scheduled in twenty minutes!'

"Owen, I need you to bump it or give it to someone else. It's an emergency and I need to leave this hospital now!"

Owen stared at Amelia in disbelief as he watched her slip out of the front doors of Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital. The spat called the attention of nurses and family members roaming, but Amelia paid no attention to the people staring. Running across the sidewalk to her car, she turned on the engine and tore out of the parking lot, speeding toward her destination.

Entering the dinky hospital through the front entrance, Amelia struts to the front desk, a look of sheer determination on her face.

"Where is Derek Shepherd. I need to find the room of Derek Shepherd right now."

A mousy, grey-haired nurse glanced up from the computer her gaze was fixed on, then quickly replaced it on the object she was staring at.

"I'm sorry ma'am, visiting hours are over. You can come back tomorrow at 8 am."

"No, you don't understand. I am Dr. Amelia Shepherd. I need to assess him! I need to save his life!"

"I'm sorry ma'am but you cannot be here this late."

"I'm just going to find a god damned nurse who will bother to look up from her computer to acknowledge me," the older woman looked to Amelia, "You know what, I will do you one up. I will just call Meredith and she will come get me."

Amelia dialed the number of her closest sister and said four words, "Waiting room, get me." And with that she shoved her phone back in her pocket.

Just minutes later, Meredith arrived with a flushed face and looked to find Amelia's impatient stare, words barely forming from her mouth.

"Amelia, I am so glad you're here. You need to help him! I have already talked to the chief and he has given you privileges."

"Meredith, where is he! Where is my brother!"

"He is in room 304. I'm coming with you."

"No you aren't! You have no place coming in with me. You are the reason we are in this position in the first place. You couldn't be happy with him being here. You couldn't make it work, and now look at this situation!"

"Amelia Shepherd, you have no right to talk to me in this way. I am his wife and I have nothing to do with this accident. I am just going to put this off as your stress to your situation. I need you to get your head back on your shoulders and save your brother! He needs Dr. Amelia Shepherd, the amazing neurosurgeon right now. Not his scared sister, Can you do that?"

"Yes. I can do that. I'm sorry for yelling at you."

The two women walk side by side to the elevator, a place where normally things of comfort and love happen to Meredith, but today she feels the chill of the hospital air, smells every conflicting scent. The finish of their ascending motion was marked with a shrill ding, bringing her attention to the task in front of her. Amelia nudges her, and motions toward the hallway before them.

Walking into his room, Amelia is taken aback by the sight in front of her, bandages covering every inch of her big brother's body. He looks frail, the dressing on his head reminding her of exactly why she is here. There is no room for scared baby Amelia to be frightened away from the opportunity of a lifetime, to redefine how to save a life.

A nurse and a red haired doctor that Meredith recognizes from earlier enter. The redhead steps forward and says, "I think we should do that CT now. If we know what we are looking at, maybe we can fix it."

"No, we are not going to CT. I'm going in blind, I will find it. We don't have time. If Derek has any chance of survival, we need to fix him now!"

Amelia rushes to the OR with Derek in tow and she looks to Meredith, who is on the verge of tears but is pushing them back to be as professional as possible.

"Meredith, I know you're his wife and you need him, but I cannot try to fix him with you watching me. I cannot have the one person who this will effect the most watch me as I operate. If I go in with that kind of pressure, I don't know if I will make it back out. I need to go in and be able to convince myself this isn't my big brother, and with you there, I have no hope of that."

Meredith nodded and went to the waiting room, occupying herself with her children.

Scrubbing into this surgery, Amelia hears the sound of an older man's voice. "He has a cerebral laceration, and I suspect frontal lobe based on where his fracture is. If-"

"Listen, Dr. Cohn. Thanks for the information, but I don't need some low life who is supposed to be a healer but thinks that hot dates are more important than lives telling me how to do my job. Unlike you, I know what I'm doing and I am doing it for the right reasons. You need to leave my OR right now!"

Amelia rushes into a nurse waiting to gown and glove her, wasting no time in heading straight to her target. She brings in a deep breathe, relaxing all of her tired muscles and lets it go with all of her worries. Right in this moment it is her and the brain in front of her. No Derek, no car accident, nothing.

"Alright everyone, let's get started," She proclaims loudly enough for the whole area to hear, and then softly to herself, "And I am a superhero."

The red headed doctor looks at Amelia as she begins to uncover Derek's brain layer by layer. As she finds the laceration and the according vessels, she rolls her neck and looks to the red head.

"Listen you have been staring at me this entire time. Why are you not helping?"

"You said something about superheros before you began and I am just trying to figure out where I have heard that before. I was reading a study recently about-"

"Yeah, I read the same one. I stood as a superhero for the full five minutes before operating on Dr. Herman's tumor."

"Oh my God! You're that Dr. Shepherd! You are so amazing, I can't believe-"

"Shut up and give me suction! I need to repair this torn blood vessel and I can't do that if-" Amelia is interrupted by the sound of Derek crashing under her. Tension in the room is thick and all eyes are on Amelia. She takes her hands away from the brain and begins to rub the paddles together. "Charge to 250.. Clear." The shock did nothing, Derek's failing body continues to spiral into the pit of death. "No! You cannot do this to me! Charge to 300. Clear…" She watches the monitor and Derek's heart begins to faintly begin to beat once more. There is a fighter somewhere in there, Derek is fighting for his life. Fighting for the family he just got back.

Moving swiftly back to her perch, she finishes the last suture to the head lac Derek received.

"Okay red, remove the clamp."

The young doctor removed the clamp and everyone in the room held their breath as Amelia began to remove cells from the healthy portion of the brain, and place them into the dying area near the frontal lobe. This task is tedious and should have been done in separate surgeries, but the surgeon operating has a tendency to face problems head on, and not know when she is in over her head.

"Now, in the perfect world, these cells would have had time to culture into highly specialized cells, but I believe that if I do this procedure multiple times and can revive the brain, this man will live, walk, talk, and proceed with life with few deficits. Before I close up I would like to see if we can get a pupillary response, since the whole point of this rushed surgery was to get some base level brain activity."

Amelia takes the light out of her pocket and shines it in quick flicks over each eye, the pupil expanding and contracting slowly, but efficiently. A sigh of relief escapes her lips and she returns to her post and begins to close the newly pink brain tissue before her.

As she is putting the final sutures into the skin on Derek's head, she feels water starting to brim at her eyes and her chest start to convulse with sobs waiting to escape. She suppresses them, and helps guide her brother's bed back to the ICU, memorizing all of his features. The small cut on his lower lip, the wrinkles around his mouth and eyes from his ever present smile. His hands were big and strong, just like the ones she barely remembers her father having. This is her big brother, her idol, her savior. All those years ago he protected her from the shooters that claimed the life of her father, covering her mouth and holding her down, saving her from dying or being injured that day. She was his most prized possession growing up, always carrying around pictures of her and taking her with him everywhere he could. To think she could have ruined it all with stealing his prescription pad. She will never forgive herself for that mess she got herself into.

Amelia leaves the safe confines of Derek's room to go to Meredith, to tell her how to proceed with his care back at Grey-Sloan.

"Well Mer, I can say that he is alive, and breathing. I have slight pupillary responses which is always a good sign of brain activity. But the brain activity is so low that I would like to say that he is still in a comatose state. He cannot breathe on his own yet, but I believe with time he will improve to a PVS. I am going to have him transported to Grey-Sloan in the morning so we can watch him better and I can get him closer to my lab. There is hope Mer, and I will try my hardest to save him. We can do this."

With that, Amelia gives Meredith a soft smile and continues to walk down the hallway and into a supply closet where she collapses to the floor and releases the gates holding in floods of tears. Sobs wrack her body, her arms enclosing her body, seeking the warmth and protection she has always felt even at her lowest when Derek revived her and held her until help came. But in this moment she feel cold, her surgery proved to be successful, but the grief of her dying brother is still a fresh cut in her skin.

 **Author's note:** Thank you so much for the reviews and follows! I did not think I would get such a response so quickly. I posted this as fast as I could, I hope that I will be able to keep on a steady schedule, but life is busy and unpredictable. I will do my best for you guys! I am going to try to include Meredith's POV and Amelia's. I know these chapters are short, but I feel as the storyline progresses they will get longer! Please review this chapter and let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, as always.**

The ambulance sped down the highway, sirens blaring, lights flashing. All drivers are taught that when you see red and blue lights, you pull over. You pull over because there is a person in there and they are probably dying. But what do you are dying and no one is pulling over? They just keep driving and you're trying to swerve around them, but you end up causing more damage in the long run, leaving more people with wounds and broken things. Was it really worth all of that pain to save one life?

Derek was rushed into the Grey-Sloan ICU, needing to get him hooked up to a ventilator before his lungs were completely deprived of oxygen. Amelia is using the bag valve mask to force oxygen into his lungs, but he is responding poorly to her efforts, being moments away from crashing at any time. He had been unstable since the surgery, his heart palpitating and wanting to give in. Amelia knew her brother was a fighter though, that he would not succumb to the depths of the great beyond because he was finally getting his happily ever after.

Rushing the gurney through the pit to the elevator, Owen joined Meredith and Amelia running down the hallway.

"Amelia! What happened? Why is Derek lying half dead on a gurney in my emergency room!"

"He was in a car accident, and instead of taking him to a trauma center, the idiot paramedics took him to some dinky hospital on the edge of town. They couldn't get a neurosurgeon in time to save him, so they left him for dead. But Meredith called me and I devised a plan for how to treat him. I will tell you later the extent of my plans but we need to get him into a room and stabilize him."

Callie Torres looks on from down the hallway to the sight in front of her, seeing the group rush into the nearest ICU room. Her eyes connected with Meredith's, showing her the confusion as to what is happening. Meredith walked solemnly to Callie, "My husband is dying," Meredith started with clear distress and exhaustion in her voice.

"What did you just say Grey"

"Derek is dying." With that statement, Meredith's whole body hits the floor, and Callie runs to her side.

"Nurse, help me get Dr. Grey to a room now!"

"Hey, sleepy head. You had me worried. We did a work-up and decided you passed out from the stress of your situation."

Meredith groggily rubs her eyes and looks to the dark haired woman next to her. This woman has always been here for Meredith since the time she claimed the black panties as her own. Even with ups and downs, Meredith and Callie ultimately are very good friends. Sofia and Zola have play dates, and the two often look to each other for advice when their relationships go sour.

"Did you wait with me Callie? You didn't have to do that."

"Yes I did Meredith. You're Zola's mom, and one of the strongest people I have ever met. You have been here for me when I thought I had no one. Now it's my turn."

Callie squeezes Meredith's hand, giving her a feeling of comfort in knowing that someone will help her through this situation no matter the circumstance.

"How is Derek? Has there been a change in status since I passed out?"

"Amelia actually just came down and updated me a little while ago. Derek is currently stable and his second transplant is scheduled for later this week. 3 days, I think. Amelia says that his brain stem is still functioning well, and he is moaning a little, and sometimes his muscles contract. She said that he won't do much more than this until further in the treatments, if they work."

"I guess that's something. I just wish that none of this would have happened."

Meredith sits up and repositions to a more comfortable position for this conversation.

"I know it's not my fault he decided to be McDreamy and save all those people, but I feel so bad. I kept him later than he expected. I made him stay in bed later. If I would have just let him stay on schedule and leave as early as he wanted, there would have been no need for him to get off the highway. I'm so selfish-"

"Meredith Grey! Stop that! None of this is any of your fault. You need to worry about you and you only for the time being until you're healthy! None of this is your fault."

"I know Callie. I just… I thought that maybe this time we were going to be okay. That bad things would stop happening to us for just a little while. That maybe this time we could be happy. We wanted to add to the family! He was just trying to come home to me Callie! What do I do?"

Sobs wrack her tiny frame, her chest heaving and her nose sniffling, all hope of being able to calm herself down lost along with all remnants of sanity and happy that was holding on by a thread.

Down the hall, Amelia is just finishing settling Derek into his new hospital room after 10 minutes of fighting with his intubation. She sits down in a navy blue chair next to his bed and grabs his hand. She rolls his fingers in her palm, examining how fragile he is in this state. His skin is translucent, his veins so blue that all of them can be seen with the naked eye. His hair is frayed and in every direction possible with a slight shine in accordance to his body working overtime to stay alive.

Amelia brushes her free hand along the side of his face, an affectionate gesture.

"I'm so sorry about our relationship. I'm so sorry that I made you hate me. I should have never done drugs and never should have made you have to revive me. I wish we could go back to the way things used to be, when we were inseparable."

Amelia's mind wanders to when she was a young child, maybe 2 or 3, when Derek had taken her to the lake to go fishing with her dad. They had walked from their house in the suburbs to a nearby lake, probably about a mile out of town. Not many people knew about this lake, since it was hidden behind so many trees. Derek had stumbled across it when he was hiking the woods after a big fight with one of her older sisters. She was so young at the time, she had no clue in this day and age who it could have possibly been, but in this moment Amelia wishes that she could remember every second of every day she has ever spent with her only brother.

They were on a small boat with a trolling motor and some row paddles. It was the strangest boat Amelia had ever seen, it had no room for cars and it didn't have a passenger deck, it was small and had just enough room for the fishing supplies and her two favorite boys. The day was partly sunny with only a little wind, and Amelia was content sitting on the floor of the boat sipping on a juice box while the boys talked.

Derek reeled in a big fish while Amelia was distracted by something flying by above her head. He thought for a moment about just taking the fish off the hook, throwing it back in the water and continuing his entertainment for the day. But no, Derek Shepherd would never give up the opportunity to ruffle his baby sister's feathers. He swung the pole around smoothly and tapped Amelia's nose with the tail of the fish. Amelia squealed at the top of her lungs, but then giggling when she saw the giant grin on her big brother's face.

"Der! I want fishies too! Help me get fishes!" Amelia jumped up from her position on the floor of the boat into her brother's arms that steadied her as she stood on top of one of the small chairs. He wrapped his hands around hers as he helped her cast the bait into the still water present in front of them.

"Amy, you have to hold still if I am going to help you catch the fish. They don't like movement."

"But Derek! I wants the fishies to see my bobber, 'cause if they don't sees it, they won't knows to eat the worm!"

"Oh look Amy, the fishies have already taken the bait, the bobber is under water!'

Derek helped little Amelia reel in the fish, making it look like she was doing all of the work. As the fish approached the top of the water, Amelia squealed in excitement and started to swing the pole. Derek knew what she was trying to do, but just let it happen anyway. He would do anything to make his baby sister happy. The fish gently hit Derek on the face and Amelia started roaring laughing. Christopher Shepherd finally looked over to his children and saw the precious moment unfolding before him. He pulled out his Polaroid and snapped a picture of his two children laughing while holding Amelia's fish.

"Derek, you're the bestest brother in the whole world! I love you so much!"

Derek laughed and shook his head a little, "I love you, too, Amy. I will always love you."

Amelia's hand reaches for her wallet in her purse and searches for the polaroid taken all those years ago. She glides her fingers over the shiny cover and watches as a small tear slips down the side of her face and falls onto the writing below the happy faces, smudging the words that read "Derek and Amelia, first fishing trip."

Amelia's puffy eyes look to Derek laying in his hospital bed and lets words slip out of her mouth that crush her soul and everything that she is, "I wish I wouldn't have stopped fishing with you Derek."

Amelia's head falls to the railing on Derek's bed, her hand resting on his and for the first time in 48 hours, she sleeps.

Author's Note: I am so sorry about how long this took to update! I have had terrible writer's block about this chapter. I have so many more planned that are more interesting and it made it hard for me to want to finish this one. I will post the next one as soon as I can. Hopefully it will get much more interesting from here. Did you guys like the Amelia/Derek flashback? Review please! I want to hear your thoughts!


	4. Chapter 4

**Merry Christmas! Sorry for the wait for this chapter! I hope that you all have had a happy holiday season, and enjoy this gift from me to you. All mistakes are mine. I own nothing. Please review, I love to hear from you.**

It had been 4 weeks since Meredith was rushing to a rinky dink hospital on the edge of town where her husband was fighting for his life after a doctor decided his social life was more important than the life of Derek. The days had gone and past, Meredith barely able to keep up with the awful feeling that was overwhelming her all hours of the day and night. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, the only thing she was capable of doing was parenting her two scared, grieving children. Owen had cut back her hours in the OR at her request to have more time to adjust to the situation at hand. But, today she wanted to be different; she was going to pour her all into her work. She didn't feel like herself being stuck at home, and when she asked Owen to cut her hours, she immediately knew she had made a mistake.

"Zola, it's time to wake up sweetie. Mommy has to go to work today, so you have to go to daycare with Bailey."

"But Momma, it's Saturday. You never work on Saturdays. We always watch movies and play dolls and read with Bailey!" A small pout formed on Zola's face that Meredith couldn't help but respond to.

"I know sweetie girl, but I need to go work and save the sick people who need me. I'm sorry princess."

"Are you going to save daddy? He is really sick mommy." Meredith's eyes began to water, but she choked back her feelings to say, "I don't know how to fix daddy, but Aunt Amy is trying. We are trying baby."

Zola looked down at her shoes, looked around her bedroom, then her eyes settled on Meredith, teary brown orbs meeting her sad green. Once Zola saw that her mom had seen the tears though, she wiped them away and walked toward her dresser to pick out her outfit. This action broke Meredith's heart into little tiny pieces. Not knowing whether to leave her child alone or to do something, Meredith chose the latter. She walked up to Zola, squatting to be eye level with her baby girl, and then squeezed her tightly, feeling the little girl's arms wrap around her neck and little tears soaking the shoulder of her shirt.

"I love you so much Zozo. I know it's sad having daddy so sick and gone, but I love you and Aunt Amy loves you. We are always here for you, even Aunt Cristina loves you and she is a cold fish," this statement elicited a small giggle from Zola, "We all love you, and no matter what happens we are here for you baby girl. If you need to cry, you can cry. You don't have to hide it from any of us. We are all here for you Zozo, you don't need to hide. This is hard and scary," Meredith then pulled away enough to look her daughter in the eyes, "and even I cry sometimes. I love you so much Zola, and so does your daddy. Don't ever forget that."

Zola sniffled for a final time, wiping her nose on her pajama sleeve. "Okay mommy. I love you too."

"Okay Zo. I need to go get Bailey around, you should go ahead and get dressed now. Breakfast will be ready soon."

The small girl bounced off to her bedroom and Meredith went to her son's room to get him around for the day. She walked in and Bailey was standing in his crib, smiling and gabbing away. I love this so much. He is so happy, he doesn't even realize that anything is wrong. I wish that I could feel that way. She quickly changed him into the clothes he would wear that day, then walking out to the kitchen with him on her hip. Amelia was sitting at the island with a cup of coffee in one hand and a crayon in the other, obviously aiding Zola in the masterpiece she was creating that morning.

"Amelia, it's your turn to pick breakfast. What do you want this morning. We have cereal, waffles, or anything you may want to cook."

"I feel like when it is my day to choose breakfast I always have to make it myself." Amelia smirked at Meredith as she hopped out of her chair.

"Hey, I don't know how to make anything that involves more than two steps. It's not my fault you can't handle the simple life."

Amelia scoffed at Meredith's remark but then smiled, knowing that this was just how they kept the mood light around the house on days like today. Today was supposed to be the last surgery day of the stem cell transplants. If no conclusions could be made after this surgery, there would be no hope of anything happening with Derek's case. But, the two older women in the room didn't need to talk about that in front of the small children who already didn't understand why daddy wasn't getting any better.

"What are you making Amy, it smells very good."

"Well, since you claim that I can't live the simplistic life style, I am making scrambled eggs and toast; it's the simplest meal that I know how to make that actually is real food."

"You have me there, cereal really isn't real food. But I-" Meredith was cut off by a sudden urge to get sick, and she ran off to bathroom. After about five minutes of emptying the contents of her stomach, she walked to the sink to rinse out her mouth. She opened the overhead cabinet and grabbed the mouthwash, but as she went to close the door something caught her eye. A box of tampons. Panic struck her as she tried to recall the last period she had, and it was before the accident. It must just be all the stress. Plenty of women are irregular during times of stress. I am not pregnant.

Meredith walked out of the bathroom and watched her children eat with their favorite aunt. Amelia's eyes caught hers, but Meredith sent a look that said don't ask now. Amelia nodded her head, and went with it. After all the dishes were put in the sink, the Shepherd family got all of their belongings together and left for the hospital. The day ahead was bound to be a long one.

"Meredith, what are you doing here? It's a Saturday. You never work Saturdays." Callie always had a knack for picking up the wrong topics of conversation.

"I'm trying to make my life a little more normal. The less time I am at home, the less time I have to sulk in my dark and twisties."

"I am sure Zola and Bailey appreciate having you home more."

"Okay Callie. When your husband is in a coma that may or may not result in ultimate death, then you can talk. But until then, my feelings are valid and not yours to judge."

With that statement Meredith was on her way to the attendings lounge to change into her scrubs and put her things away. As she walked down the hall, she thought about all of the stolen glances her and Derek shared while in this exact hallway. All the times she would be in a rush to get to another patient and he would grab her arm, letting her know that he is right there, always. She walked in the lounge doors with a tear in her eye threatening to escape, but she held it back like she always does.

Meredith's first patient from the ER that day ended up becoming a 14 hour surgery with every possible complication occurring. But Meredith got through it, leaving the man in the ICU with high hopes of recovering. He was still a high-risk case, but Meredith was confident that he would make it. People don't go through that much pain and strife just to end up laying in a morgue. She left the man's recovery room and headed for an empty exam room. On the way, she spotted Amelia looking just as worn out as she felt.

"Amelia, will you please come with me for a moment?" Meredith grabbed her hand and led her to an exam room and locked the door behind them.

"Meredith, I don't understand. Why are you locking me in an exam room? Did you hear about how Derek's surgery went?"

"No… Wait should I be worried? What happened in there Amelia?"

"Things were going well, we injected the stem cells, but we discovered that no more progress had been made since the last infusion. Based on my research, we should be close to the end by now. But this has never been done before, so I still have hope."

"So what you're saying is that Derek still has no brain function."

"No, he has the same amount as last time we went in. I did a full neuro work-up about 20 minutes ago, and I believe that I may have a fix."

"Okay, go on."

"I think that if I culture my stem cells to replicate those of exactly the area in which I am putting them, I will be able to find more success and ultimately succeed with my plans of recovery. There is still hope Meredith."

"Thank you Amy. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have such an amazing surgeon on Derek's case."

"Yeah yeah yeah. So why am I in here with you?.."

"Oh, I need you to draw my blood. I would do it myself but I just got out of a 14 hour procedure and I don't want anything stupid to happen."

"I can do that for you."

Amelia drew Meredith's blood in silence, Meredith thinking about her husband, about their future as a family. If this test came back positive, if she was pregnant, her entire life would change. If Derek wakes up, nobody knows how many deficits he will have. If he doesn't wake up, Meredith will be a single mother to 3 children. She was having a hard enough time balancing work and her two beautiful children without Derek. How could she handle three?

"Cristina. I need you. Please call me back as soon as you can. It's an emergency." Meredith hung up the phone and sat back in the chair next to Derek's bed. In one hand, she had her cell phone that she was clinging to for dear life. In the other hand, an unmarked, unnamed manilla folder that held all of the answers. She looked at the folder long and hard, willing herself to open it.

"Derek, I don't care how selfish this sounds. I need you to be alive. I need you to make it. You need to wake up and be my knight in shining whatever. I didn't tell you this earlier, but I'm holding a folder. In the folder are test results, results that will tell you if I am pregnant. I haven't had a period since before your accident, and I have always been regular my entire life. I am going to open this folder, and it is going to give me an answer. But I don't know if I want the answer. Without you, I don't want anything…. Okay, I'm just rambling. You would have stopped me by now. Okay here goes nothing."

Meredith let go of the hand she was holding so tight, and opened the seal the results. She slowly pulled out the packet, thinking about the last time she found out she was pregnant. She was ecstatic, and so was Derek. She surprised him with a new shirt for Zola, and they made love all night. But today was the polar opposite. Her heart was heavy, she wasn't jumping for joy. Her eyes finally landed on the results she so desperately needed to see, and her phone rang. She answered out of habit, not making any effort to see who was calling.

"Dr. Grey," Meredith said monotonously.

"Mer, it's me. Cristina. Are you okay? You called like three times. Is Derek okay?"

"Cristina, I'm pregnant."


	5. Chapter 5

"You're what?" Cristina's voice resonated through the speaker on Meredith's phone, louder than her shocked body could handle at that moment.

"I'm pregnant, I am going to have a baby. My husband is dying and I am going to have a baby."

"Mer, calm down. You know that Amelia has hope for Derek's recovery. Only time will tell. He's going to be his McDreamy self before you know it."

Cristina's words made Meredith's light tears turn into the wracking sobs, her whole body shaking with the emotions that were overwhelming every piece of her fragile body.

"But what if he doesn't wake up. What if he does wake up and he is horribly disabled for the rest of his life? I can't do this Cristina. I can't have another baby when my husband is practically dead!"

Meredith looked around the room she was sitting in. On the far wall across from her were all the monitors that showed that her husband was in fact alive. His heart was beating, his lungs were breathing, he was living.

"Meredith, you and Derek have been through more crap than I can even count, and guess what. You two made it, you are going to make it Meredith. Whatever twisted sense of humor fate has, it does have one thing right, and that is keeping you guys together. He will be fine, have faith in Amelia. She is a superhero."

"Okay. Thanks Cristina. I needed this. I miss you so much. Bye."

With that Meredith hung up the phone and put it back in the table next to the chair she was sitting in. She examined every feature of her husband's fragile body. His beautiful hair was all gone, victim to the multiple brain surgeries that have been performed to try and save his fragile life. His eyes had bags and were sunken into his face, his lips almost blending into the rest of skin and cracked from being dry and parted by the tube delivering air to his lungs. The tubes tracked down his gown-clad chest and off to the machine next to his bed. The lines of his body peaked through the blanket, showing just how sick he was. His legs and arms were smaller than she had ever seen them before, his ribs showing and the sight of his fragility made Meredith sick to her stomach. But, this was only the beginning.

"Amelia, wait. Amelia!" the redhead chased after Amelia down a long expanse of hallway just trying to talk to her, to be there for her. It was Owen's job as Chief to make sure that all of his staff was operating at the best of their abilities on all of their patients. Owen went to call her name once again, and Amelia stopped dead in her tracks, turning to look Owen straight in the eyes

"Leave me alone Owen, I don't need your sympathy, I don't need this! I am a grown woman!"

"Amelia, I know this," Owen closed the space between himself and Amelia, "I know you're a grown woman and very capable of handling yourself. But how are you? Are you okay?"

"Owen, I just told you I am-" Owen cut her off by dragging her into the on-call room.

"Amelia. Just listen to me, I am not here to demean you, I am here _for_ you. Amelia, this is hard. You are saving your only brother's life. You watched your father die, and now you're watching your brother die. It's a lot to handle. Talk to me."

"Owen. Why are you doing this, you don't owe me any favors."

"I am not doing this because I feel like I have to, I am doing this because I want to."

Amelia looked Owen in the eyes, his kind eyes warming the ice-cold shell protecting hers, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. Amelia quickly wiped away the tear and looked down at the floor, her shoulders slightly shaking with the sob that was waiting to burst out of her. Owen slowly took a finger and lifted her chin to bring her eyes back to his.

"It's okay Amelia, I am here for you."

He then embraced Amelia in hug, trying to squeeze all the pain away. His hand cupped the back of her head while the other rubbed soothing circles into her back.

"It's so hard Owen, it is so hard. He is my big brother, and I am making no progress. His brain activity is at the same level it was after the second surgery. I just want my big brother to live. I can't wait another week to do the last surgery. I need him to be better now."

"Amelia, you know you have to wait at least 5 days to let Derek's brain heal and account for the shock it went through. If you want this to work, you have to wait the time. Don't push yourself to do anything that will make it harder for Derek to recover. You can do this Amelia, I believe in you."

Amelia just sighed and let her head drop to his shoulder, relishing in the warmth of his hand on her back. It had been so long since she had felt this kind of care, this kind of compassion. After a minute or two, Amelia's pager beeped with an incoming trauma down in the pit, and her little bubble of comfort was popped. Owen and Amelia exchanged knowing glances, and then she quickly exited the room, trying to be as discreet as possible.

Owen then left and turned to go to the nurses' station to find the last chart he needed to fill out from the day. When he was finally done with the chart, April walked up to him with a big smile on her face.

"Hey Hunt! Thank you so much for helping me sign up to be a doctor in the Middle East, I am so glad that you have turned me to such an amazing opportunity. Jackson isn't too happy about it, but I really just need some time away, some space to think. Are you leaving in 10 days too?"

"Yeah, Kepner. I am leaving with you, remember. And keep it down, will you? I don't need half the hospital knowing my business. I haven't even found an interim chief for when I am gone."

"Oh, sorry boss." April then scuttled on to do her job, leaving Hunt alone at the nurses' station with his hand rubbing his forehead, hoping that the nurses would spare him the gossip this one time.

Down in the pit, Amelia was surprised to see that there were no ambulances coming into the bay, no doctors or nurses running around trying to save lives. In bed four there was a child getting stitches on his forehead, and in bed six there was a man who looked to have broken his arm pretty severely. Why would Amelia be paged for an incoming trauma if there was no trauma in sight?

"Kepner, where is everyone? Isn't there a big trauma coming in?"

"No, I don't know who would have paged that to you. There hasn't been a trauma since last night." April's confused face made Amelia even more confused, usually she can tell when people are lying to her, and April seemed to be telling the truth.

"If there is no trauma, I don't understand why I would be paged down here to the ER. This is crap. Kepner, page me if there is a real neuro consult."

"Can do Dr. Shepherd, no problem. No problem at all."

Amelia quickly walked out of the pit doors, too wrapped up in her own world to notice a small smile flash on Kepner's face and two trauma nurses exchange knowing glances. As she entered the elevator at the end of the hall, she hit 3 which would take her to office where she could figure out why Derek wasn't getting any better.

The hustle and bustle of a hospital was always very comforting to Amelia, but lately she was overwhelmed with the concerned glances and the overall gloom that she felt everyday. Her office was her escape, where no one could bother her with their pitiful stares and hushed whispers that almost always were about her and her lack of success. As Amelia almost made it to the door behind which she could find her safe place, but something was different. Her door was left ajar slightly, a smell plastic and sugar wafting out. Opening the door proved to confirm her suspicions as she saw in front of her Stephanie with a cute cupcake from the local bakery and a small banner that read "CONGRATULATIONS".

"Oh Dr. Shepherd! You will never guess what just happened! I received a letter in the mail, and low and behold, your mailbox received the same one! You will never guess who it is from!"

"Umm-"

"It is from the Johnson Foundation of Neurological Research and Development! They were so impressed with your surgery on Dr. Herman, that they want to completely fund all of your stem cell research until you have perfected your treatment! They have been following us and there has been a representative at all of your lectures on Derek's case! They want to fund us!"

"Wow! That is great news! I mean, I will have to read the packet and see what all this entails, but if there are not too many hoops to jump through, this could create an extremely high chance of my stem cell project to become developed enough to save thousands of people who are in PVS! This is just wonderful news."

"When do we get to work with Dr. Shepeherd again? I think that we are so close!"

"In two days. In two days we may have our first success story."

That was precisely it. With the new money from the foundation, there is no way that her research could fail. With this amount of money and stability, Amelia would never run out of pathways to find the answer, unlike with her funding from the hospital alone. In two days, there would be a pathway to success. All Amelia had to do was sign the papers.

 **Author's Note:** Shout out to all of my faithful readers, you guys are literally the best. I know this update took so long, but with the stress of producing a giant musical and my studies, I couldn't possibly get this done until now. Thank you to Patsy for always getting on my case about updating, you really pushed me to finish. I know that this chapter doesn't get you off of the cliffy from the last chapter, but hopefully this clears up the way in which this story is heading.

If I can get this story to 60 reviews and 65 followers in 10 days, I can guarantee an update between April 2-9, since that is my spring break. Either way you will have a sooner update than this last one, but if you can popularize this story, I will definitely put my updates to the top of my list of priorities. You guys rock!


	6. Author's Note

Hi everyone. I am so sorry. I have failed you all who followed this story. My life became overwhelmingly crazy and within that crazy I lost my love for Grey's Anatomy. I no longer can write for this story, and I am so sorry to all of you who enjoyed reading it. I am going to take this down in the next couple of days, a stagnant piece shouldn't sit here and rot. I will put it in the garbage where it belongs. I have been writing for Law and Order: SVU, but I haven't posted out of respect for those who followed me for this story. If you're interested in reading any of the finished pieces I have for that fandom, PM me. Please, don't send me nasty messages about not finishing this story, for leaving it hanging for so long, any of that. I know how horrible I am. I just don't feel motivation to write for this story anymore, I have become so detached from the fandom and this ship. Maybe sometime soon I will start posting my work on here, but I don't want to start something I can't finish. Thank you all for the kind words and support while I was writing this, I am so sorry that I have let you all down.


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